Unconditional love means loving without conditions, expectations, or limitations. It’s unwavering, enduring, and not tied to behavior or achievements. It embraces flaws and imperfections, rooted in acceptance, empathy, and compassion.
Now, ask yourself again: Are you loving your kids unconditionally?
I’m not here to judge. If I’m writing this, it’s because I’ve realized that I haven’t been loving mine unconditionally.
When my kids behave in ways I approve of, I smile and hug them. But when they don’t meet my expectations, I get upset and react in ways far from love and acceptance. Now I see that when they misbehave, it’s exactly when they need my love and acceptance the most. Their behavior signals that something essential is missing.
Guiding vs. Controlling
This isn’t to say we shouldn’t guide our kids—we absolutely need to. But the real challenge lies in how we react to their behavior. In those moments, our reactions aren’t really about them—they’re about us.
Yes, the reason behind a tantrum might be as simple as hunger, tiredness, or the need for attention. In those moments, offering compassion without engaging in their frustration benefits both them and you.
Often, we react because their behavior clashes with an internal belief that makes us uncomfortable. But what if we paused and asked ourselves why we’re upset?
I’ve discovered that many of my reactions come from my need to control how things are done. But sometimes, allowing my kids to figure things out on their own teaches me new and better ways of doing things.
Breaking Free from Old Patterns
Think about how difficult it is to be yourself in a world that demands constant approval. That pattern starts in childhood. It’s our responsibility to help our children avoid falling into that trap.
If your child’s behavior triggers discomfort or anger, pause and look inward. Ask yourself:
- Why am I feeling this way?
- Where is this discomfort or anger coming from?
The answers may surprise you. For me, some came from things my mom used to say: “It has to be done this way—because I said so.” Others stemmed from my fear of what others might think.
Of course, if your child is doing something dangerous, act immediately—this process isn’t meant to stop you from keeping them safe. But if they’re simply trying to do things their way, let them explore. You might end up learning something new.
Own Your Emotions
If you’ve already reacted in anger, that’s okay. Own it, but don’t blame your kids—something I did for far too long. Instead, ask yourself with compassion:
- Why did that action trigger me?
- Am I repeating old patterns from my upbringing?
- What unmet need of mine is making me feel this frustration?
I often find that my frustration comes from neglected needs—maybe I haven’t slept well, spent time with friends, or cared for my body. Or perhaps I’ve taken on too many commitments, or plans changed unexpectedly, like when I had to pick up my daughter from school because she got sick.
The point is: My reactions aren’t about my kids—they’re about me. Instead of blaming them, I now focus on meeting my needs with love and compassion.
You Have the Power to Choose Your Emotions
What if I told you that you can choose how you feel in every moment?
What if I told you that your emotions are entirely within your control?
What if I told you that how you feel shapes the course of your day, your week, or your month?
Your emotions determine the direction of your life. You have the power to decide how you feel—no one else can do that for you.
Sometimes, we find ourselves in situations we’d rather avoid. But often, the way out is to accept where we are and make the best of it. When we stop resisting, we can release negative emotions and transform them into feelings that serve us better.
How I Changed My Approach to Parenting
For a long time, I yelled at my daughters over small things, only to feel awful at the end of the day. I carried guilt, sadness, and disappointment, which only attracted more reasons to feel bad. The law of attraction applies to everything—not just money.
One day, I realized I had been going about it all wrong. I thought being a better mom meant being harder on myself. But what I truly needed was to nurture myself with self-care and self-love.
If you lose your temper in the moment, don’t worry. Don’t judge yourself or carry guilt. Instead, hug your kids, tell them you love them, and let it go.
Be Kind, Loving, and Compassionate with Yourself, Mama
This journey begins with self-love and self-compassion. When you treat yourself with kindness, you’ll naturally extend that love to your children—and it will ripple into every relationship in your life.
Remember: You have the power to choose your emotions, your reactions, and the kind of parent you want to be.
With patience, love, and practice, you can transform your parenting and nurture your children in the way they need most—unconditionally.
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